The Prodigal Son

I just want to share briefly the amazing things God has done with my life, and how, after 39 years of running away from Him, all I had to do was to stop and take one tiny step towards him - and Jesus came running to me like the proverbial Prodigal Son.

I was brought up in a Christian home, but somehow it never "clicked" for me. I went to Church, was confirmed as a teenager and then drifted totally away, and began my interest in the occult. I was very influenced by peer pressure and felt Christianity wasn't "cool" and magic and witchcraft seemed far more exciting to me. I went through high school and University without any heavy involvement in anything you could call religious - I had the classic alcohol fuelled party life. I did however have a couple of good Christian friends who impressed me with their peace and sincerity. It wasn't for me though! For the next 18 years of my life, especially after getting married, I began my spiritual search in earnest. I was genuinely interested in finding inner peace/ truth and it was also fuelled by a sometimes crippling fear of death. The problem was it was very unfocussed and I was involved with (usually on the fringes) or studied Islam, Bahai, Hinduism and Krishna Conciousness, Buddhsim, Taoism, various forms of Paganism including Crowley, Asatru and Wicca... the list goes on... basically anything but Christianity! My main focus was on the Pagan and Occult side of things, which at the time seemed benevolent. There was never a connection to "satanism" but looking back, the more I delved into it the darker things became. The other people were mostly genuine seekers but we were all getting slowly pulled into a subtle trap of the Devil. By the end (amongst other things) I was emotionally cold (except for anger!), greedy, money orientated, totally self centered, never able to apologise, and obsessed by intensely dark art and music. My wife was a real anchor throughout - , always loving me for who I was and having endless patience with my changing directions. The other light was that we have always had a few good friends who are Christian, who I now discover have been praying for us for years in some cases! That is so incredibly humbling and just shows God's grace - especially as I used not to be very polite about their faith! The thing was that these people, always had an assurance and peace about them that no-one else had and that always stayed with me.

During this whole period I only visited a Church once (except for a few weddings!) out of coommitment. For a brief period I decided to give Jesus a chance and went to a big Pentacostal Church in London. I remember crying my eyes out to God and being touched powerfull by the Holy Spirit. For a week afterwards i was on cloud 9 but I chose to walk away from God even after this - I think it was fear that this was the real thing - too real for me to handle after all the rubbish I'd been involved with before.

Well the last year has been incredible! A year ago I made another half hearted attempt to go to our local Church but again ran away when the Word got too close and too real! And then in late September this year I gave in, and commited myself to Jesus. When I started to repent and to thank Jesus for dying for Me, It was like a tidal wave of joy, regret and sorrow flowed through me all at once. I could feel love like I have never even imagined and a sense of absolute awe at how God could forgive me all I had done, so absolutely. Since that day, the anger has been washed from me, the Holy Spirit has made me feel love for everybody, and I have a burning inside me to share this with others. My old self is still too fearful to let me do this fully yet, though I know that I am being worked on day be day and this is the beginning of a long and wonderful and esciting journey. The other effect has been a new innocence - I feel like a child again - they don't call it being "born again" for nothing. I've also felt compelled to do a spritiual spring clean! All the black metal music, occult books, everything that is against God has has to go, and it's a pleasure, certainly not a sacrifice. I don't want the stuff in my house anymore. God is also working little miracles daily in our lives. The first time I went to Church, who should be there but a good friend of my wife's and her husband, who had just started to go a week or two before. We are all starting a Christian Living course locally together and getting involved in the Church . Thank-you God, thank you Jesus my Lord, Saviour and Friend and thank-you Holy Spirit my Teacher and my Guide. Your Grace is beyond words and I am Yours forever.